Support for Gay Dads: A Safe and Understanding Space
Coming out later in life is an experience filled with complexity. When I came out after 25 years of marriage, I wasn’t just navigating my own emotions; I was also facing the impact it had on my family, my children, my friends, and my ex-wife. There were moments of relief, moments of happiness, and moments of deep grief. I wasn’t just redefining myself; I was also reshaping relationships that had existed for decades.
In October 2020, my partner Dean and I founded Gay Fathers Worldwide, a private support group where men like us, gay, bisexual, and queer fathers, could find understanding, connection, and support as we navigated this personal and difficult transition.
What began as a small initiative has now transformed into a global community of over 1,100 men, all walking this unique path. In this space, we don’t just talk about coming out; we talk about co-parenting, divorce, mental health, dating, and the impact this has on our families.
We remind each other, every single day, that we are not alone.
The Challenge of Coming Out as a Father
Coming out is often portrayed as a liberating experience, and in many ways, it is. But for fathers who have been married and built families, it can also be heart-wrenching, complicated, and filled with guilt.
For many of us, the hardest questions are the ones we ask ourselves:
“Am I hurting my children by doing this?”
“Have I betrayed my ex-wife and the life we built?”
“Why did it take me so long to realise?”
“Can I still be a good father?”
And beyond our own emotions, there is the impact on our families. We are not the only ones processing this shift.
The Impact on Our Wives & Ex-Wives
When a man comes out after years, or even decades, of marriage, his ex-wife is also left to process a reality she never expected.
For many women, this moment can bring:
Grief—for the marriage they believed would last forever
Confusion—wondering if their relationship was ever “real”
Anger—not at their husband’s truth, but at the life that has now changed
Fear—of what the future holds for them and their children
Many of us loved our wives deeply, and in many ways, still do. That love wasn’t fake. But we were also trying to fit into an idea of ourselves that wasn’t true. That doesn’t make our ex-wives any less heartbroken.
Some marriages end in amicable understanding, where both partners work together to move forward as co-parents and friends. Others are painful, complicated, and filled with deep hurt.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to accept, along with many men in Gay Fathers Worldwide have had to as well, is that our personal liberation can come at a cost for the people we love. That doesn't imply living a false life, but it does require us to recognise and value the feelings of those we've shared our lives with.
This isn’t just our journey; it’s theirs too.
Why Connection Is Essential
When you are navigating a situation this complex, you need people who understand. Many men in Gay Fathers Worldwide have felt isolated, caught between two worlds, unsure of where they belong.
Our private Facebook group and monthly Zoom calls allow men to:
Speak openly: about their experiences with men who truly understand
Get advice: co-parenting, coming out, and moving forward
Find reassurance: that you are not alone
Celebrate: growth, healing, and progress
We are not here to judge. We are here to support, uplift, and remind each other that there is life after coming out, not just for us, but for our families too.
There are also worldwide ‘in-person’ connections planned through the Gay Fathers Worldwide group. These interactions are designed to provide a sense of community and solidarity for gay fathers navigating similar challenges. Through these connections, members can find support, friendship, and understanding from others who share their unique experiences.
Healing Through Love & Non-Judgement
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that coming out “destroys families," but that isn’t the full story. Families change, yes, but they can also grow in new ways.
Some ex-wives become close allies and lifelong friends.
Some children come to respect their fathers more for their honesty.
Some men find beautiful new partnerships, where they can finally love openly.
That doesn’t mean the process is easy, and it certainly isn’t without pain and struggle. But in this group, we see firsthand that healing is possible, for us, for our ex-wives, and for our children.
Stories of Strength & Resilience
Every day, I hear stories from men who have overcome significant emotional challenges and emerged stronger, happier, and more at peace.
A father who thought he would lose everything, only to rebuild a life where he co-parents peacefully and has found love again.
A man whose ex-wife was devastated at first, but over time, they found a way to remain a family, even after divorce.
A dad who felt completely alone until he joined this group and realised there were over a thousand men just like him.
These stories give hope to those just beginning their journey. They remind us that while coming out later in life is hard, it is not the end; it is the beginning.
The Rainbow Phoenix: A Symbol of Transformation and Strength
The Rainbow Phoenix stands as the emblem of Gay Fathers Worldwide, representing the incredible journey of transformation, resilience, and renewal that so many of us go through. Like the mythical phoenix that rises from the ashes, many gay fathers experience a rebirth when they come out, shedding an old life to embrace their authentic selves. The rainbow colours woven into the phoenix symbolise both the diversity and vibrancy of our community, as well as the pride, love, and acceptance that we foster within our group. It is a reminder that while the process of change can be painful, from that struggle emerges a new, stronger, and more authentic version of ourselves. The Rainbow Phoenix is not just a symbol; it is a testament to the courage, connection, and hope that define Gay Fathers Worldwide.
Where Do You Go from Here?
If you are reading this and feeling lost, I want you to know:
You are not alone.
You are still a great father.
You deserve support and understanding.
It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to feel guilt. But you don’t have to carry this burden alone.
How to Connect with Us
Right now, Gay Fathers Worldwide is a private Facebook group where men from all over the world share their experiences, support one another, and find the strength to move forward.
If you would like to join, request to become a member, and you’ll be welcomed into a space of acceptance and understanding.
Prefer a private conversation? We also offer confidential support via email. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to hello@gayfathersworldwide.com
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether you’re in the early stages of questioning your identity or have already come out but are struggling with the transition, this community is here for you.
“Coming out as a gay father isn’t the end of your story; it’s the beginning of a new, authentic chapter. You are not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this journey in isolation. In Gay Fathers Worldwide, we rise together, like the Rainbow Phoenix, stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace the life we were meant to live.”
